Pregnancy Bye Bye

I hated being pregnant thats not actually correct, I loathed being pregnant, absolutely despised it, I can’t actually express how much I hated it. To me it was the worst thing that I have had to go through. I am not talking the labour, or the first few months where you can be ill, I am talking the whole thing. From the day I found out to the day I went into labour.

I have never before stated how much I hated it.

When I found out I was pregnant, I had two weeks of wow we are having a baby and I was really excited. I did remain excited throughout the pregnancy but it was sometimes over shadowed by the rubbish of pregnancy.

After the first two weeks of pregnancy I started to be sick, and I didn’t stop. I think the last time that I was sick was about a week before I went in to have Baba. The only thing that I could really keep down was cherry coke, and salt and vinegar crisps. I lived off these, but these brought their own problems.

Heart burn, nothing would take this away, and I was stuck for nine months in this revolving circle of pain. If I didn’t drink cherry coke and eat salt and vinegar crisps I brought everything else up that I ate, but eating them gave me heart burn. So it was no gain either way just pain. I could off probably lived with this however uncomfortable if it wasn’t for everything else.

I was pregnant over the summer months and I suffered, my hands and feet swelled. I couldn’t sleep at night as I was so hot, which made me tired and grumpy throughout the day. I was working at a private house with their autistic daughter in the middle of the country and around June time when I was 5 months pregnant, hay fever set in. Well I couldn’t take anything and the weak stuff that the doctor prescribed did not touch my symptoms. I was working 3 till 7/8pm every day and I used to come home crying and in so much pain. I have always suffered badly with my eyes, and I couldn’t see very well because of the itching. Many a night Mr L would pack me and the dog into the car at 7.30pm and he would drive us down to the beach which is about 30 mins away to take the dog for a long walk and to try to relieve my hay fever as I don’t think he knew what else to do. But even this only gave me a light relief as soon as we hit the downs I was again suffering.

I had trouble sleeping throughout my pregnancy, I had back ache, I had heart burn, I had the problem off not being able to breathe through hay fever. In the middle of the night was my time to wake and be violently sick. To top all of this off I had cramp, near on every night from six months pregnant. I would wake screaming in agony, writing this now I am surprised Mr L remained in the same bed as me for so long! It was agony and I hated it, many a time in the early hours of the morning, after another episode of cramp, and Mr L rubbing my legs to try to ease the pain. He would fall back asleep and I would be lying there in pain, and would be nearly in tears, as I was so fed up with it all.

This carried on until I was 8 and a half months pregnant. When they decided that my blood pressure was too high, and I had to repeatedly go back to the birth centre daily to have bloods done. Then the doctors decided that I had to be induced, at the time I was devastated, but it wasn’t the fact that I was being induced it was the fact that I was going into hospital and not the birth centre.

The fact that I was being induced was such a relief, I was so pleased to be stopping the end to the hell that I was in. I wasn’t concerned about giving birth I don’t think I had even thought about it. I was so conscious of everything that was not going right in the pregnancy that I hadn’t really thought about the birth. I remember that I just wanted the baby and to go home, be a mum and not be pregnant!

Needless to say not even that was easy, the labour was the induction not. Two full days after my first induction Baba was born, I had to be induced 4 times before he was ready. By then I was losing the will to live, I was still having back ache and trying to sleep on hospital beds with back ache is not fun. But I knew I finally had an end in sight so I put up with it.

After the labour, I was so pleased. I was not one of these mum’s, that was upset by not being pregnant anymore. I was so happy not to be pregnant any more. I could not think off anything better. I was happy to put up with the pain of giving birth, all the icky after bits that I am sure some of you know about and if you haven’t given birth I am not going to be mean and tell you about. But they were all bliss to me. I was one of three friends that all gave birth in a short space of time, and they were moaning about these things. I was pleased it meant I didn’t have anything else to deal with, I could sleep at night, all be it with a new-born baby. I didn’t have cramp, or heart burn. I could eat, and not be sick and I could eat anything again. Heaven.

I was so excited about being a mum and I didn’t care how bad my baby was at sleeping or feeding, just as long as I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I knew that however hard it was to be pregnant, I would love this baby like nothing else in the world and that was what got me through the whole thing.

I was so happy not to be pregnant and was not sad about it at all, the only problem is that I now dread doing it again!

This post was inspired by Sleep is for the Weak Writing Workshop, I chose prompt number 4. Describe a ‘letting go’ that made you happy, rather than sad. What have you been ready to say goodbye to? What new future have you been ready to embrace