Friendships, Good and Bad!

I have had a draining, good, and bad weekend. It has been happy, sad, hard and a sudden realisation all in one!

I knew when I was pregnant with Baba that my friendships would change, and that I would lose some of my friends. But it never really happened. Until now!

It seems the first year, all my friends were interested in the cute little baby and all wanted little cuddles and snugs. However now that baby has turned into an argumentative, opinionated two-year old, who has his own mind and wants to do his own things, the friends are now disappearing.

I had a strong network of friends before Baba, I know seem to have a handful. After they stayed around after having Baba I thought that we had got through the worse but I was obviously very wrong. I don’t want to go into massive detail, but after the umpteenth time of not being included I have finally realised that is not meant to be. Maybe I have been slow on the up take. I am not sure.

I hope that I was never like that before I had children, I don’t think I ever deserted people just because they had children I really hope I did not. I hope I never treated them like they had a disease because they had a child, and that I understood when they said they couldn’t come out because A, B, or C was poorly. I hope that I didn’t follow that by just not asking them the next time, thinking she can’t come because of the kids! I really hope that I was more sensitive than this.

I found it really hard to accept this weekend, and was in tears for a lot of it. Mr L didn’t really understand his friends are so fickle that I think he has had friendships like that for years. His view was to get on with it, you have found out who your real friends are so get over it keep them loose the others. At first I thought this was really harsh and then he made me realise that he was right.

This weekend one of Mr L’s best mates was home, he is in the forces and we obviously don’t get to see him often, when we do it is always a massive event. He has been home for only a short while, Mr L saw him Saturday and Wednesday he is back off to war. Mr L was having a good night, however when we had to say goodbye to his mate. He broke my heart.

The love and respect the two of them have for each other is so strong, and it was heartbreaking to watch them saying goodbye to one another. I know that Mr L has had to do it many times while we have been together, this was the first time that I was there though. It was very emotional, they kept saying goodbye, giving on another a hug and then another and another. Mr L’s mate was telling me to look after him! They were making plans for when he is next home in October, that they wanted to go away for a weekend, and just didn’t want to say the final goodbye.

It was real, it was raw and heartbreaking. Both were sad that was it, they weren’t going to see each other for the next few months, but they deal with it. That to me is true friendship, he isn’t bothered that Mr L can’t be out everyday that he is home like the others are. It doesn’t matter, they are true friends that care for one another but also have the maturity to understand their lives are different, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t affect them. They still are the best of mates. I stood watching them and I was happy for Mr L, he has one of lives treasures in his mate there. A person who is mates whatever, and just understands his situation.

Now I do have a couple of friends like that, but unfortunately in the last couple of days I have also realised that I didn’t have as many as I thought. But you know what its their loss. I want to remain with the ones that understand and don’t care if I can’t make something, don’t worry if I say no as I can’t get a babysitter, am not bothered if we are having lunch and a little sprightly two-year old joins us. They are the friends that matter!

Have you ever had this happen to you? How did you deal with it?

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Katie
    Jul 19, 2010 @ 11:17:37

    It’s really tough when friends move on and you’re left wondering why. It’s happened to me, but it was before I had children, my friend just decided to move on. It’s always hurt because we were really close. But slowly over the years I’ve come to terms with it and concentrated on the true friends I do have.

    My best friend lives in another country so I miss her terribly. But we text and talk on the phone all the time, and when we do see each other we hang on to every minute.

    Mr L’s friendship with his best mate sounds very powerful – so rare for guys to be so genuine and upfront with each other. It must mean so much to them both.

    My only advice about friendships that fizzle out is that there’s no use being bitter or holding on to the feelings they’ve left behind. You’ll just tear yourself apart. It’s about accepting and putting it behind you. Easier said than done, but healthy.

    Reply

  2. Jan
    Jul 19, 2010 @ 11:21:29

    Your first priority is to your family ,but if thse ‘friends ‘dont realise this ,then tough and yes it is tough ,But we get on and over it ,they couldnt be real friends anyway ,value the real ones ,because as you say about the others ‘its their loss’,from your blogger friend Jan ..with love xx

    Reply

  3. Sandy Calico
    Jul 19, 2010 @ 13:17:34

    I’m sorry to hear that your fair-weather friends have let you down. I think you are right and you have found out who your real friends are. People never cease to amaze me, they can be so rude and selfish. I would rather have a couple of really good friends than a group of superficial friends. Thank goodness for our blogging friends! 🙂

    Reply

  4. Emma
    Jul 20, 2010 @ 21:36:36

    It really is awful that these friends have let you down but at least you know who your true friends are! I read something once that was along the lines of ‘some people are meant to stay with you for life, some only for a short time, appreciate them all’. It was more profound than that but it’s always stuck with me and I just think that people that treat me badly were obviously only supposed to be in my life for a short time and let it go!!

    Poor Mr. L! I used to be a Forces Sweetheart and remember too badly how painful the separation is! Great that they are such good friends though! Sending you all big cyber hugs xxx

    Reply

  5. MummyMatters
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 17:42:21

    It really sounds like you are going through the mill at the minute! This really is the time that you find out who your friends are – I too have lost a few friends since having Little Bean which initially upset me greatly but in their place I have made some lovely new friends who are fulfilling my lives in ways that the others couldn’t. I was always told that you have friends for life, a reason or a season and I really believe this to be true.

    I’m sorry that you have lost some of your friends, but they have surely cleared a path for some great new people to come into your life xx

    Reply

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