Why Oh Why Didn’t You Do It A Different Way?

You were so so clever, you took it to your grave. But do you think that was really the best thing to have done? You have left us with so many questions, so many answers not given, that we all need to know. Do you not think that by not telling her, you were doing the right thing?

Sorry you probably did!

Let me tell you something though, you have ripped a piece of her apart and she will never truly rest now. Is that really the outcome you wanted? Is it? I don’t think it was, was it?

We all know that you obviously had your reasons, and we respect them, we do 150% respect them that is fine, but do you think that maybe you should have just written it down for her to find when you were gone. Just a name would have been fine. You know I would have found him, that would be all that she needed to know.

It’s just the not knowing that she hates.

She always grew up thinking she had a hero in her life, a man who died in the war. He died alright, but the only thing we know for certain is that he died in your eyes. We are not sure when, how or even if he has died in real life. I think that is the thing that I find the hardest. I was always proud of the story of him dying at war, proud that we had someone like that in our family. Couldn’t wait to tell my children what great ancestors they had, now, well I have nothing to say. We know nothing.

You made sure of that!

I think you even made your brother swear and he loves you so dearly, nearly six years on he is claiming he doesn’t know. He is nearly ninety years old and keeping your secret save, a loyalty to his sister no one can break. I wonder how that makes him feel, knowing his niece and great nieces so desperately want to know and not wanting to go back on his word! Did you ever think of that? Did you ever think about your actions? Or were you just blinded by what you wanted to do?

We understand that there may have been a reason, that he may have done something bad, that you were protecting her. Of course you would do that, it was your job, but do you not think she was capable to know the truth at 20, or 30, 40, 50 or even 60 years old? Do you not think she was strong enough? Or were you worried about the response you would get? Did you then leave it for too long?

I wish I had one more day with you just to ask you everything that we all want to know. Where did you meet him, his name, what happened? Where was he from? Why did you sneak off and get married 30 years after you said you had? What happened there? That is a whole other set of questions there that is for sure!

I just don’t understand, I want to scream and shout at you. You have made us all so mad did you not know that? Why oh why did you leave such a massive thing unsaid and rip a dream apart? Why? As I have already said, if you didn’t want to be around when it happened, fine, but why didn’t you write it down so that we could at least understand?

I have just thought of something is that why you went by another name, first and last? Were you running for all those years? Is that why you and your sister-in-law fell out for so many years? You know you never said why you did! Did she tell you that you were in the wrong? Maybe it is maybe it isn’t, it is something that we will never ever know and it drives me mad, it drives us all silently insane.

I tell you what though you have covered your tracks. We have tried everything to find the truth and there is nothing out there so well done you, I congratulate you with a sickly sweet taste in my mouth because I hate the fact that you have made it impossible to find out. I don’t want to dis you I love you, you will never know how much, but I really want to shout at you, it is not fair. Everyone should have the choice on this matter.

You should never have taken it away from her, it was not your right! Do you know that, it wasn’t your choice, or your right and that is what is bloody unfair.

So this is the story I have to tell my children, the story of our ancestors, how you kept the biggest secret there is in our family and took it to the grave. I hope that maybe just maybe I will find the truth. I know she will always live to regret not knowing, and it saddens me deeply to see that in her eyes.

You were fantastic in many many ways, and never to be faulted, but this, this here everything that is written down is your biggest fault.

You forget to mention something major, you upset her, then you were gone, and it could not be fixed.

This post was written for Josie’s Writing Workshop I chose prompt number 4. Write a post telling someone in authority the words you wish you were brave enough to say or feel they need to hear.

8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gaelikaa
    Sep 23, 2010 @ 16:42:43

    It feels good to get it off your chest doesn’t it? Well done. I hope you feel much better. It’s no one’s business but your own and you handled it very well.


  2. b4kersgirl
    Sep 23, 2010 @ 19:05:12

    It must be difficult having such a big question in your family. I hope it feels a little better to have written it all down.


  3. Tasha (Coding Mamma)
    Sep 23, 2010 @ 20:37:46

    What a difficult thing to live with. And something you will forever want to know, I’m sure.


  4. Emma
    Sep 23, 2010 @ 21:37:53

    Holy cow what an amazing post! It’s so well written. Sending you huge hugs xx


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