Down And Out…Not Yet!

You know when you work so hard and struggle through to make something work, you think you have finally cracked it and then something comes along, and whips everything that you have you done out from under your feet. And you are crushed and deflated and fallen.

Today that is me and Mr L. We thought we had turned a corner with some things in our lives (and I hasten to add not our relationship that is fine!) We really felt that we had got over the worse and then today…Wham we were literally hit by a bolt of lightning as they say.

Well me first, and I just didn’t know what to do. Some of you saw my despair on Twitter and thank you to all that replied. I was literally lost for a while and really didn’t know what to do, I didn’t want to have to tell Mr L what I had just been told I knew that it would crush him to pieces.

So I did what every girl does in that situation I rang my best friend at work and cried down the phone to her. Yet again she was there to rescue me, thank you so much C. After a bit of a prep talk, and some sense put into my head and a few helpful emails later, I was able to at least stop crying. I spoke to the people concerned a little more rationally and we were given a little grace.

But only a little, we don’t have long, but it is there. By god we need to use it.

I am not sure how or what we are going to do right now. We are both slightly numb, and not really wanting to talk about it, but some serious things have to change for it to be ok. And it has shocked and totally rocked us we really thought we were ok.

My head hurts, and I could still cry at anything. I really just want to curl up in a ball and cry and rock until someone comes to save me and get me out of this. But no one can do that this time. I have to get up and I have to carry on. We have Baba we have to do this for him. It is going to be really hard. There are going to be lots and lots of tears I know there is I am trying to remain positive and tell Mr L I am fine with the changes that need to happen. I know they need to happen I know it has to be done.

I am not fine with them. I will cry and cry, probably on my own so that Mr L doesn’t feel bad but I will still cry. But we will get there. I would love to write down that I am sure we will, to be honest I am not sure we will, but we will bloody well put in blood, sweat and tears to get there.

For now though I just need to sleep, I can’t do anything tonight I am too tired, too drained and just a little too bloody scared!

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14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Susie @ newdaynewlesson
    Oct 19, 2010 @ 21:04:29

    Lots and lots of hugs.

    I will email you.

    Reply

  2. Jan
    Oct 19, 2010 @ 21:10:23

    Sending my love Jan xx

    Reply

  3. Angela
    Oct 19, 2010 @ 21:22:23

    I hope it all works out for you xx

    Reply

  4. kirstie wells
    Oct 19, 2010 @ 21:59:02

    The past year, seems to have been the worst and best for us all. I can only imagine what your going through and what you have to face to get your head above the water kerry.
    Your a strong, clever woman!! And at the end of the day, bricks and mortar cant compare to blood.
    Your family wont see you flounder, and will offer all they can no doubt.
    Swallowing pride and doing whatever, whenever, is a good start. I should know….. childminder, cleaner, working 4nights a week, every week, avon, betterware, working in pubs, day and night, pet sitting, babysitting, its all taken its toll on me, as well as the kids needing my time and attention whilst working 5-6 part time jobs. Needs must. And im glad i worked my guts out, to still be where i am now… Im still working hard now, with feelings of guilt and regret i do not lie, but it has to be done, just to survive. To keep the little bricks and mortar i have. But i would give it all up and live in a shoebox………….. for my blood….. xx

    Reply

  5. Marylin
    Oct 20, 2010 @ 13:31:23

    Sending lots of love, you’ve got my email on this if you need/want to talk sweety. *hugs* and kisses xxxx

    Reply

  6. Nova
    Oct 20, 2010 @ 14:51:50

    I’m really sorry you’re going through this whatever it may be…..I can’t say there is always a solution to everything but I can say in my own circumstances when hit with something one day, I know that in a few days that blow won’t ‘feel’ quite so bad. The problem may still be there but it doesn’t seem quite as big as it did the day it hit….I’m rambling and not getting out what I want to say but thinking of you. Take care….and eat that chocolate!! It’s medicinal. XXX

    Reply

    • andthenallithoughtaboutwasyou
      Oct 20, 2010 @ 14:53:59

      Oh it has really helped have to say. It doesn’t feel as bad today I have a few ideas and we have had some amazing help from people, it has not gone away but we are thinking a bit clearer should I say. And thank you so much for your kind words! xx

      Reply

  7. Princess L
    Oct 24, 2010 @ 19:21:21

    Sending lots of love your way hun *hugs* You’ve got so much support behind you I’m sure you can get through anything

    Reply

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