Letting Go!

Today Baba had an extra day at pre- school due to it closing when it snowed, I was a little apprehensive. He never goes on Monday, he had only just been on Friday and I thought the change in routine would totally disrupt him.

Then when we woke up I was even more worried.

As soon as I told him we were going to school he replied with, “No like school Mummy.”

Now I knew in my rational mind, the one where I have worked with children for fifteen years, that he was trying it on. As all children do, and that as soon as he was at school he would be fine, and would love every single minute of being there.

However my irrational mummy brain was thinking other things. If he hated it why was I sending him there? I didn’t need to he is only two? He could just be at home with me. Am I pushing him too fast? Have we started all this too early?

Then they got worse… Why didn’t he like it? What was going on?

It is amazing how quickly thoughts in your head can appear, and how they can go from being completely rational to completely irrational in seconds! All of this happened in the time of putting one sock on.

I quickly snapped out of the guilt trip and reminded myself that the reason we were sending him to preschool was,

1) he needed other children’s company. He only gets to see adults and he needed more interaction.

2) he needed boundaries he was pushing ours and needed them from someone else.

We were being sensible parents and we were doing the right thing at the right time for our child.

I had calmed myself and I felt better, but once we got to school it all started again. The irrational thinking. Baba sitting in the back whimpering (he now has this down to a fine art) and stating “don’t like it mummy!” I could have very easily said ok, we will leave it don’t worry. There was a part of me that was screaming to do it.

But then this tiny little whimpering voice inside me started fighting back, he wasn’t going to win. He was not going to manipulate me. There was nothing wrong with him, there is nothing wrong with the pre school they are all lovely, and he was going to go. If there was a problem they would call me!

So I bustled him up and we ran into school. In an attempt to distract him, we ran. It did work until we got to the door and there was a queue. The bottom lip came out it quivered, and then he smothered himself into my shoulder and screamed and screamed.

I absolutely hate it. It is so painful as a mother to hear your child doing it, and I know he is only doing it because I am there but it is still so hard. I just want to walk right out of there, take him home and sit on the sofa. But I know that I can’t. His Keyworker C is fabulous,  she had got the computer going, as this is one of Baba’s favourite things, and she just takes him off me tells me he is going to be fine and I leave. Every time I go to collect him I get told that he has been fine, and he has stopped minutes after I have left. I believe them, I do. I just wish he wouldn’t do it every time we go.

Do any of your children do this? Do you have any tips of how to stop them? Or do they just grow out of it?