Today has been a hard day for me, I wasn’t going to write about it as I feel really bad but I have found the whole process of being a partner and mum difficult today. Really difficult.

I think it is because I am not feeling 100% and Baba is definitely not 100% he has had a cold for a couple of days now and is just very very grumpy. We have had constant screaming for a few days now. And today it really got to me.

This morning Mr L broke one of his trucks, understandably Baba wasn’t that happy about that, so we told him that we would go out and find him another one, like you do. We went to one shop and there was nothing in there, so we decided to go to a local garden centre that we now does a lot of toys in. Well it was the big mistake of the day really.

Baba kicked off, he wasn’t happy and screamed and screamed all the way round. We ended up leaving!

It was hideous, just a high pitch screaming. Refusing to stand up, but didn’t want to be carried, by either me or Mr L and just general mayhem. People were looking and it was just too risky to carry on being there really, before something got broken because he really lost it.

Once out of the centre we did manage to calm him down and carried on with the rest of the day. But I was drained.

Really really drained. For the first time since having Baba, I really had no energy to fight with him, Mr L took over and had to deal with him. I know that he isn’t 100% and nor am I and he is approaching two but there is only so much screaming you can take. Today was just too much.

We got home I laid on the sofa and just cried. I felt that I had just lost all control, that I could no longer do it. I felt that I had been rubbish to Mr L as I had made one of his rare days off hideous and was being a rubbish mum to Baba as I hate these fits of rage that he has and for a few insane moments felt that he didn’t really want me around.

After a few hysterical moments Mr L did manage to get through to me. He told me that if I wasn’t a good mother he wouldn’t leave for work every day. That Baba was two, not well, nor was I and it was all just too much today. That it is normal all children have tantrums, he would be worried if he didn’t. That he never knew what he was doing either, he just made it up as he went along, and that I was being totally irrational. Which I know that I was, but it scared the hell out of me for those few minutes.

I really felt like the worse mother in the world. I think know that everything that has been happening over the last few weeks just really got on top of me today. I don’t know maybe its the weather, the fact that Baba is approaching two, that scares me, or the amount of work that I am doing at the moment, I have so much to do this week that can not be done. It is driving me mad!

I just need to get through this week, I need Baba to get better, and I do not have time to be ill.

Do you ever feel like this?

12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Emma
    Oct 03, 2010 @ 23:07:59

    We all have days like that hun! I generally think I’m a pretty crap Mother, partly because I work full time and Chick just doesn’t get enough attention as I’m either at work or knackered from being at work! When I’m sick she gets to mainly sit in front of the TV because there is no-one else to take care of her! Things will be much better when you are both well again! Hugs xxx


  2. Nic's Notebook
    Oct 04, 2010 @ 10:49:58

    I have plenty of irrational moments – nearly every day in fact! I know exactly how you feel. You have to listen to Mr L cos he is right, you’re a great mum – things have just got on top of you!


  3. Beckicklesie
    Oct 04, 2010 @ 14:09:51

    Oh my darling – you should have told me!

    I so have days like this and Kidder does EXACTLY what you’ve described in this post. A lot. It’s definitely their age. I know it’s difficult and it’s hard to cope with. I don’t cope well a lot of the time.

    I’ve learnt to put him in the car, take him home and ignore him… let him get it all out of his system. Don’t react to it, stick a Disney video on that he likes and go and get yourself a brew. It may seem impossible. I know, I often feel like I’m running against a brick wall, but it does ease things.

    It’s just paddy, remember that. There isn’t actually anything wrong with Baba, it’s pure paddy.

    Much love and great big hugs to you honey,

    Becca x


  4. L
    Oct 05, 2010 @ 08:02:18

    *big hugs* I think we all have days like that, but Mr L is right, you’re a wonderful Mum!


  5. Sandy Calico
    Oct 06, 2010 @ 18:09:34

    Bit late to this, but just wanted to say you could be describing any one of my days. It is hard work and you sound like a fantastic mum x


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